i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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