one might say we're banned from that church
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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