I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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