u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
