So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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