Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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