I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
