my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
