..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize