um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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