Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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