If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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