I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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