It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
