we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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