You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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