I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
