hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
