When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My hand turned me down
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
