Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
