what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Found the puke drawer
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
