he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
