If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
