alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
