haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
