never play flip cup with pint glasses
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
