return my video game
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
