we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I love having hate sex.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
