...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
