first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Randomize
