im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Your penis caused this!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
