My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
God gave him joint rollers for hands
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
