can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
dude i'm inner monologue high
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
