I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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