there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
