i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
