laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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