Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
