on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I checked into jail on foursquare
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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