once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
