i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
