so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
