they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize