We won't sleep together?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
