I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
