If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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