so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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