Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm too high and old for this...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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