Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize