so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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