I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
wow bdsm is so cute
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
