I can't breathe out the right side of my face
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize