my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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