She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You pole danced in your parka.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
MIDGETS
????
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
