i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
