i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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