It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
