She said her name was "party"
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she told me i tasted like america
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
