I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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