i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
