dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
