Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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