we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
