apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
