My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
