FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
