It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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