My Higher Power is John Stamos
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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