Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
