I could make wine with my vomit
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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