a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
