I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
