I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
