you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
