mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
