And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
