My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize