she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
