Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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